SPRINGBOARD CONNECTIONS

Grief & Loss During the Holidays: 3 tips that won't fail

Be sure to check out the inner peace for the holidays link below.

When you have experienced loss and are in transition, the holidays can be especially challenging. What can you do to make your holiday season more enjoyable? Unless you are among a very small minority, spending the holidays alone isn't a good choice! You know that, right?

Here are three tips I am sharing with you because I know they always work for me.

1. Make plans ahead of time.  2. Make it fun and worthwhile.  3. And, have a backup plan, just in case! 

You do not have to spend the holidays alone. While it may not always be possible to be with your regular family/friends, there are a host of other things that can make your day fun and rewarding. But it takes some advance-work.

My first holiday alone, my girlfriend and I traveled up to the Sierra's and loaded the back of my pickup high with fresh white snow, drove down to the city and deposited it on another friend's lawn to surprise her young children. With blue skies in the valley they were the only family who had a snowman in their front yard. And I had a blast, got good exercise, and taking my new puppy along was frosting on the cake.

That is just one idea, what have you done that works? Share in the comment section below so we can all learn from each other. And,  I have a special treat for you.

I have scheduled Mary Allen, America's Inner Peace Coach, to be my guest when I host Springboard Conversations this month. She is full of wisdom and practical tips. Her subject: Inner Peace. To register, click on the blue link below.

Expand your joy and inner peace during this holiday season.

Inner Peace

Wednesday December 8, 2010 at 5pm PST and 8pm EST

Our inner peace is always there, it just isn't always easy to find! Unless, of course, you have the tools that Coach Mary can give you that can help you return to inner peace at any time - no matter the situation.

 

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  - Author Unknown

 

Available Now:  Guidebooks  - just click on guidebooks to read a sample.

Guidebooks for woman reclaiming their lives after loss.

1)  From Grief to Joy: The Path of Tranisition. Learn to move more powerfully through the sadness of loss.

2)  If You Can See It You Can Do It: Living the Power of Vision. Clarify and connect with your passion. Create a vision of the future

3)  Living Your Life Design: Choice not Chance. Put your vision into action. Embrace your new life.

 Happy Holidays and many warm wishes, Marlene

 

 

Listening to Our Bodies, They Know More than We Do!

The body holds much of the information we need to function at our best, but too often we ignore its messages and plow ahead with what our minds tell us. Perhaps because we’re not taught from early on to pay attention to internal messages as well as   external demands, we frequently ignore our body’s communications.

So we take another extra-strength aspirin rather than investigating what’s causing our head to ache. We use more caffeine or sugar to give us a lift when we feel tired, rather than hearing our body’s message about needing rest or recognizing our fatigue as an early symptom of burnout we’d do well to heed. I can identify, can you? A look at our pets may be all the message we need about the value of naps.

We fail to take into account the thousand little messages communicated to us by how we’re holding ourselves: the mouth that’s pinched and tight rather than relaxed. The fact that our shoulders are up around our ears, the knot of tension in our stomach as we promise to do something when closer consideration might tell us we are already over-extended.

These days we’re notorious for putting deadlines ahead of the protests of aching bones or inadequately nourished bellies. (Is there hidden wisdom in calling a due date a deadline in the first place?) Instead of asking our body what it wants, we go for the quick fill-up or the comfort food that may be the last thing we really need.

So what can you do to give your body an equal say in how you use it?

Start with the breath. Breathing consciously is a major part of body awareness. Turn off thoughts and just let yourself experience the inflow and outflow of breath. Label them, “In. Out. In. Out.” Note how and where you are breathing or failing to, a clear sign something important is going on.

Allow yourself quiet time. Sit for ten minutes just observing yourself, even (especially!) in the middle of a busy day. Meditate. Take a walk or a nap. Allow time to do nothing. Soak in a hot tub rather than taking a quick shower.

Get a massage. It’s not self-indulgence to be massaged; it wakes up the whole nervous system and helps you tune in.

Use your journal to dialog with your body. Ask your body how it’s feeling, what it wants, what’s going on. Give that sore wrist or stiff lower back a voice and let it tell you what its message is.

Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. Take a week and really pay attention to your body’s most basic needs. Do your real rhythms for eating and sleeping conform to the habits you’ve established? If they don’t, change them!

Do a body inventory to relax. Start with your toes and work upwards. Scan your body from the inside. Or try tensing each part slightly, then relaxing it to release residual tension.

Practice mindfulness. Get used to tuning in to your physical self, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.

And if your body suggests rolling down a grassy hillside, taking flight on a playground swing, or skipping down a winding path, why resist? Its impulses hold the key to our well-being!

Let's commit to learning how to better listen to our bodies and to how they can help us become healthier and more content.

Wishing you a great week!

Closing the Gap

Going From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be Without Getting Derailed

It's not too late to join our free teleclass

for Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 5pm PT

 

• Is life moving too fast?
• Has change turned your world upside down?
• Are ready to clarify your strengths, recognize your unique purpose and move forward with renewed energy?
• Do you want a greater sense of freedom, satisfaction and fulfillment in your life?

Register Here

If you are like many of us your life is going and changing faster than you feel you can keep up with. And while you have accomplished a lot there is still a vague feeling of unrest, maybe frustration even resignation

Or perhaps significant change has occurred in your life and you are wondering what the best thing to do next is? Or you plans have stalled and you wonder if you’ll ever accomplish those things you hold to be most important

 

What you will learn:

·     How to be in clear action instead of time-wasting reaction

·     How to make your thinking/thoughts work for you instead of against you

·     What is the Pivotal question you need to ask to find clarity and to stay on track

 

These are the mid-life years when we find ourselves changing along with everything else around us. Some things we need to let go of, other things we need to keep and there are still those things we want to accomplish.

 

We all know that change and transition are a natural part of life. The trick is to learn how to use change in a way that helps us move forward feeling a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.

 

Registere Here

 

Change comes to us planned and unplanned. Join us next week and learn tips on how to manage change and use it to propell you to your new future. 

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

“The arrival of a good clown into a village does more for its health than 20 asses laden with drugs,” observed Thomas Sydenham, a seventeenth century British physician, who may have been the first doctor to recommend laughter as the best medicine.

We can all identify with the good feeling that comes from having a good session of laughing – made even richer by being with friends. Now research is showing the tremendous value of laughter and experts are taking the benefits of laughter seriously. Did you know that three minutes of deep belly laughing is the equivalent of three minutes on a fitness rowing machine?

Nowadays, not only is it common knowledge that laughter has all sorts of physical and mental health benefits, there’s even an organization called the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, which is made up of more than 600 doctors and healthcare professionals who study the effects of humor on humans. Here’s what they are discovering.

1. Laughter decrease stress hormones

2. Laughter increases the activity of natural killer cells that go after tumor cells

3. It’s been shown to also boost the immune system

4. Laughing increases your heart rate, blood flow to brain, respiratory rate, and your lungs expand – almost like jogging only you don’t have to leave the house!

5. Laughter increases your alertness, memory, and your ability to learn and create by increasing the production of catecholmanines.

6. Deep down belly Laughter releases anti-depressant mood chemicals.

So with all their prods and wires and gizmos and gauges, professionals are telling us what we knew all along: when we laugh we feel better.

And there are other benefits as well. Laughter is good social glue. It connects us to others and counteracts feelings of alienation and helps us feel more connected.

Want to be more creative? Try laughing more. Humor loosens up the mental gears and encourages looking at things from a different, out-of-the-ordinary perspective.

Besides spackling together our conversations and relieving tension, humor and laughter are coping mechanisms. They provide distance and perspective when situation are otherwise horrible. Laughter is one way to dissipate hurt and pain.

So how do we inoculate ourselves with laughter?

Humor guru William Fry, M.D. professor emeritus of psychiatry at Stanford University recommends this two-step process.

1. Figure out what makes you laugh – your humor profile by listening to yourself for a few days to see what makes you laugh out loud. Do your heartiest guffaws come from watching Moe, Larry and Curly? Or to you respond to more sophisticated French farces?

 2. Then start building your own humor library: books, videos, movies etc. If possible, have a special corner to house your collection. Then, when life gets you down, don’t hesitate to visit. “Even a few minutes of Laughter will provide some value.

So what makes you laugh? For me, I like to watch America’s Funniest Home Videos. As silly as some of them can be, I find myself laughing out loud - - and it feels good.

The Power of Self Care During Loss and Change

Just like a broken leg needs a cast, your body needs its own "cast" of good self-care.

When you're going through significant change such as a loss, taking extra care of yourself is one of best things you can do. Now is the time to put yourself first, to do the things you need to do to stay healthy. Often there are others to think about as well, but if we are not healthy we can’t be as helpful as we want. On an airplane we are told that when the oxygen masks fall, put one on yourself before you help someone else. We are no good to anyone if we don’t preserve our own health.

The stress of loss and change can cause illness, but you can protect yourself by practicing self-care. Some ways to do this are:

· Connect with other people who have experienced a similar loss, tapping into the healing power of connection. We are not meant to be alone through such times. Group support during rough times has been practiced through the ages. Find a safe place to receive support and to be supportive of others.

 

· Establish some easy self-care practices such as practicing breathing exercises, walking, sitting in the sun or drinking fresh water. Harness the power of nature through water, fresh air and visual beauty—this works to support the healing process and to bolster our immune processes.

 

Fortunately, our body is an amazing thing. "When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process. Surrender to it."—Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams.

Just like a broken leg needs a cast, your body needs its own "cast" of good self-care. Practicing easy self-care techniques releases the body's natural healing powers. In addition, the support and love of a group sustains you in ways that are hard to find anywhere else.

Our bodies are remarkable, aren't they? What are some things you have done or are doing to take extra care of yourself? We can always learn from each other.

 

The Good News about Grief

Are you experiencing the pain of loss? Are you trying to move forward regardless of how you are feeling? Are you holding back your tears for fear if you cry you will never stop?

I have some good news for you. Grieving is the body’s healthy response to loss. By letting yourself experience your pain you are actually doing the best thing you can for yourself. You are allowing the body to begin the natural process of healing. By grieving you actually lessen your time of sadness.

"Amidst the worldly comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings." - Tao Te Ching

Right after a significant loss you may feel numb. During this early period there are often many things to attend to and decisions to make that keep your mind occupied and away from feeling the pain of your loss.  Although it may be possible to postpone your grieving, it is not possible to postpone it altogether. If your life was too busy for you to stop and feel the grief of your loss, you can expect it to eventually erupt sometime in the future.

It is important to know you are okay even when you feel so bad. It is common to want to resist feelings that make us feel bad. It may even seem counter-intuitive to let these emotions flow. But that is exactly the best thing to do. The common saying that "time heals" is a little misleading. It is what you do with the time that really counts. "When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process.” Colgrove

Our emotions of grief are the body’s way of healing. Learning how to be with your memories and taking the time to grieve your loss will bring you the peace and healing for which you yearn.

Recommended reading for those you have suffered a personal loss.

1)    Colgrove’s little book is easy to read. A phrase, a paragraph or a page seems to have just the right words of encouragement.

How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Colgrove, Ph.D., M., Bloomfield, M.D. H., & McWilliams, P

2)    Coming in June three guidebooks for those rebuilding their lives after loss

In these guidebooks you will find supportive information, success stories, humor and actions you can take to support your healing and to create the life you desire.

1)    Taming the Memory; 2) If You Can See It You Can Do it; 3) Living Your Life Design
 
As a coach, I work with women rebuilding their lives after personal loss. I will help you understand your feelings and navigate your way through the pain of loss. I will support you in making peace with the past and in realizing a new, abundant way of living. You will find new energy, courage and hope. I am dedicated to working with you to discover the new gifts life is waiting to offer you. 

You can connect with me by email at coach@marlenelockwood.com. Please visit my website www.marlenelockwood.com to read more about the services I offer.

Change and Transition: The Powerful Work of Grieving

Grieving your loss is the most powerful work you can do, supporting the physical, mental and spiritual healing necessary after losing someone you love. And it’s tough work, tougher still because there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person moves through the process   differently, and at their own speed.  

Our losses and how we go through them are all unique. You may have lost a mate, child or friend. You may be experiencing the loss of a divorce or perhaps you have had a sequence of losses. Or, it could be a past lost that you never grieved that is troubling you now. Each journey of grief is unique.

Whatever and however you are grieving, doing this work will lead you to a place where you can embrace your life once again and be open to the gifts yet to come your way.

 Here are four key areas of work that will support you on this journey of grieving.

1.   Reach out

Reach out to a family member, a friend, a counselor or a grieving group. This is not the time for you to be stoic. You were not meant to be alone during such times. Connecting with others brings gifts of healing that are hard to find in any other way.

2.   Take care of yourself

This is the best gift you can give to yourself, and no one can do it for you. Get adequate rest, eat healthy food, enjoy short walks, meditate in the sunlight or just sit and bask in the glow. It gives you strength and will help you be healthier when the grieving process is over. Be gentle with yourself and support your body’s natural healing processes. You are programmed to self-repair and self-improve. Support your body in doing the work it was meant to do.

3.   Tame the memory

Don’t resist the memories; rather be with them and honor them. You might find it helpful to share your memories with someone. You can write some of your best memories down and store them in a special box with some of your favorite photos. You will find as time goes by, your memories are less painful. Eventually you will look back with gratitude for the time and experiences you had with your dear one.

4.   Do the work

Grieving work comes in many forms. Some find that journaling is helpful; others find that expressing their feelings through painting or other creative work is helpful in processing their grief. Having a safe place to feel the sadness and letting yourself cry helps heal the pain of losing someone dear to you. Walking and just being in nature is healing for many.

Life is moving forward even if you don’t want it to. Doing the work of grieving helps you deal with the pain of loss and the many feelings you experience during such a time, and restores your energy for the next phase of your life.

If you are open and willing to grieve your loss, eventually you will feel more like your old self again. Completely the same? No, loss does change us. As we move through the experience of loss and transition we find amazing gifts like new wisdom, increased compassion and gratitude. These gifts expand us and we move forward in life with more grace and understanding. 

How to Deal with Life, Loss and Transition at the Big High School Reunion

I think someone has made a drastic mistake. It just can’t be ++ that many years since I graduated from high school. It's got to be impossible. However, since someone has planned a big shindig (they must have lost their cookies), I think I will go. It would be great to see some of those “old” friends. J 

For some, high school reunions can be particularly unnerving. Why is that? It goes beyond the fact that we have put on a little weight, that the sun has had too much fun on our face, or wondering what there will be to talk about?

Our lives have been full since those many years ago. We are really no longer that person who graduated at seventeen or eighteen. Life has happened – the good and the bad. There have been jobs, lost jobs, crazy jobs. There have been marriage, divorce and new marriages. We’ve had children. Perhaps changed churches or quit going – you name it. Some have lost their mates or even children in death. How do you even begin to tell, or even want to tell, people what’s been happening in your life?

When you haven't seen someone for 25 years (or more), they're bound to want to catch up. There will be questions about the turns your life has taken. We don’t want to be braggers – or worse – whiners. How do you really show up at a reunion and in a few hours communicate any of this? Many of us don’t even want to. As a result the event often feels superficial and full of small talk. Or we feel like we are front and center, under a microscope.

What I’ve experienced is that we all have similar feelings in these kinds of situations. Your painful transitions – even if you don't delve into details – can actually be inspiring and feel supportive to others. We often feel like we are the only ones with such stories, but we’re not. Life has happened to us all. When we come to these occasions with a soft and open heart, sharing only what we feel comfortable to share, and with a strong and accepting listening ear for the stories of others, we come away feeling like it has been a wonderful time.

You know, in many ways I loved my high school years. Yes, there was all the pain of being a teenager, and I wouldn’t want to do it again for love or money. But when you consider that I graduated from the eighth grade with the same fella I started the first grade with – and, there was only two of us in the class, well, things had to go up from there! Going to a high school with many students and with boys taller than me was new and exciting – I do have good memories of my high school years.

But I still have some angst about the reunion, and I do want to look my best. So here’s my plan. I’m going to lose 10 lbs. by the end of April. (I know, not very original.) So, why am I sharing this? Because I need someone to hold me accountable, and writing in my blog does just that for me. I’ll keep you posted along the way . . . no gruesome details, I promise – just the fun progress!

Anyone want to join me? (. . . on the diet, that is.)

Here are a few good high school quotes from the movies. If you have others please share. Or write and tell me your experience at your last high school reunion.

 

“It's not the years honey, it's the mileage.”
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

“High school, those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.”
Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – Uncle Frank (Steve Carell)

“The old dreams were good dreams. They didn't work out, but I’m glad I had them.”
The Bridges of Madison County (1995) – Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood

Snowstorms, Isolation and Holidays

How do you take care of yourself during the holidays – especially if alone?

The other day I found myself at 4:30pm sitting in a local restaurant – one that had working electricity -  having my first cup of Jo and hot food for the day.  The sierra foothills had a snow storm that knocked the electricity out sometime during the night and when I awoke in the morning I found I had no heat, no lights, no telephone service, no television, and no connection to the web. And my computer was fast losing its charge as I busied my morning playing scrabble and spider solitaire.  

The heavy snow kept me at home most of the day and by early afternoon I found myself feeling a little  restless, anxious (could have been the lack of caffeine!) and feeling isolated as no one I called from my cell answered their phones.  Everyone’s phones were out, including cells with run down batteries! It was an experience short lived, but with the holidays approaching it brought to mind how important it is for me to be intentional about my holiday plans so I don’t feel too alone. Being divorced and living alone has taught me to think ahead and plan how I am going to spend my time, especially if I won’t be with family. And by doing so, I have had some great holidays, even though occasionally spending them in some unusual ways.

How about you? What are your holiday plans? With the Christmas holidays just around the corner, what are you plans for the holidays? What are you doing to ensure that you experience and feel the spirit of gratitude and joy during the holidays?

Here a few things I have done in the past to make my holidays away from family fun and enjoyable.

· Fi  First Christmas alone I took my daughter’s truck and with a girlfriend to the mountains, loaded the truck bed with snow and took it to the valley and built a snowman on the front lawn to surprise my friend and her children.  My heart was full of love and laughter and my body worn out which gave me a great night’s sleep.

· W Went with a girlfriend and our dogs to a hotel by the beach (cheap), had our own lights, candles, and Christmas music and enjoyed a wonderful, but different Christmas. Wouldn’t have been the same in my home alone, that’s for sure.

· I’  I've gotten together with other people who were also doing their holidays alone. It was all rather spontaneous and we spent time listening to each other’s Christmas traditions.

· S   Served turkey at a women's shelter. I was impressed with how these women were enjoying the holiday regardless of the circumstance. Great lesson for me.

Those experiences taught me the value of being intentional about what I am going to do during the holidays to make them fun and enjoyable for myself.  The times I haven’t done this . . . well, you know that story!

This Christmas is another one that I will be spending alone (or should I say differently).  Will you?  I’d love to hear from you and the ways you have celebrated your holidays when circumstances have you spending them alone.  Post below what you have done and the lessons you learned so we can discover and learn together. Let’s make the choice to take good care of ourselves so we enjoy this coming holiday season.  Is that a deal?

   

Our next Circle of Life / Power of Focus 16 week teleclass begins March 10, 2010. Stay tuned.  We are having a great time and participants are making great progress in our current class.  We’ll share some of the stories the first of the year.

May the holidays this year bring you special joy and much sweet peace. Happy Holidays,

Marlene

Coach@marlenelockwood.com

© Copyright 2009 Marlene Lockwood All rights reserved.

Barcelona to Istanbul & Back

Announcement first this time – because I don’t want you to miss out on a great holiday special - the Circle of Life - Power of Focus Workshop begins Nov. 4th.

www.marlenelockwood.com/circleoflife-holiday.html

We all have areas of our lives that we would like to see changes or realize success. This is your opportunity to move from a “someday” to doing it “now”. I know I’m planning to make some of my dreams come true in 2010 and so are many of your peers. You can make it happen too .

Funny how time flies when you are procrastinating.  

The last blog I wrote I was in Europe on my first cruise. I’ve been back now for a month and just getting my normal pace back as well as my discipline. But now I am back in the flow!

I’m going to cut right to the chase - while I was exposed to some of the most beautiful sites what disturbs me was the pollution. I know, I know, who wants to hear about the down side.  But, I just need a little soap box time.

Our guide in Greece, who obviously was in love with his country, was concerned that in Athens people don’t like to, actually he said, "they don’t – eat fruit from their trees or food from home gardens because of the pollution."

Too many rivers in the countries I visited are polluted to the eye and people are unable to use the water, and of course not swim in what was once clear, blue water. We have the same problem with many rivers in the USA.

I have been told that the Native Americans plan 8 generations out. That sounds like wise counsel to me.

“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.”
– Native American Proverb

This set heavy on my heart as I returned home. I had to ask myself: How am I taking care of my environment? 

I’m letting you know that I have committed to becoming more aware of environmental issues and ways I can create or support healthier communities – and the world!  My letting you know, it holds me more accountable!

And now for the fat cats –

These two were my favorite.

They were enjoying the sun and a nice afternoon bath laying on a ledge in lovely Barcelona, Spain - - - well cared for and fed by many!