SPRINGBOARD CONNECTIONS

Grief & Loss During the Holidays: 3 tips that won't fail

Be sure to check out the inner peace for the holidays link below.

When you have experienced loss and are in transition, the holidays can be especially challenging. What can you do to make your holiday season more enjoyable? Unless you are among a very small minority, spending the holidays alone isn't a good choice! You know that, right?

Here are three tips I am sharing with you because I know they always work for me.

1. Make plans ahead of time.  2. Make it fun and worthwhile.  3. And, have a backup plan, just in case! 

You do not have to spend the holidays alone. While it may not always be possible to be with your regular family/friends, there are a host of other things that can make your day fun and rewarding. But it takes some advance-work.

My first holiday alone, my girlfriend and I traveled up to the Sierra's and loaded the back of my pickup high with fresh white snow, drove down to the city and deposited it on another friend's lawn to surprise her young children. With blue skies in the valley they were the only family who had a snowman in their front yard. And I had a blast, got good exercise, and taking my new puppy along was frosting on the cake.

That is just one idea, what have you done that works? Share in the comment section below so we can all learn from each other. And,  I have a special treat for you.

I have scheduled Mary Allen, America's Inner Peace Coach, to be my guest when I host Springboard Conversations this month. She is full of wisdom and practical tips. Her subject: Inner Peace. To register, click on the blue link below.

Expand your joy and inner peace during this holiday season.

Inner Peace

Wednesday December 8, 2010 at 5pm PST and 8pm EST

Our inner peace is always there, it just isn't always easy to find! Unless, of course, you have the tools that Coach Mary can give you that can help you return to inner peace at any time - no matter the situation.

 

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  - Author Unknown

 

Available Now:  Guidebooks  - just click on guidebooks to read a sample.

Guidebooks for woman reclaiming their lives after loss.

1)  From Grief to Joy: The Path of Tranisition. Learn to move more powerfully through the sadness of loss.

2)  If You Can See It You Can Do It: Living the Power of Vision. Clarify and connect with your passion. Create a vision of the future

3)  Living Your Life Design: Choice not Chance. Put your vision into action. Embrace your new life.

 Happy Holidays and many warm wishes, Marlene

 

 

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

“The arrival of a good clown into a village does more for its health than 20 asses laden with drugs,” observed Thomas Sydenham, a seventeenth century British physician, who may have been the first doctor to recommend laughter as the best medicine.

We can all identify with the good feeling that comes from having a good session of laughing – made even richer by being with friends. Now research is showing the tremendous value of laughter and experts are taking the benefits of laughter seriously. Did you know that three minutes of deep belly laughing is the equivalent of three minutes on a fitness rowing machine?

Nowadays, not only is it common knowledge that laughter has all sorts of physical and mental health benefits, there’s even an organization called the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, which is made up of more than 600 doctors and healthcare professionals who study the effects of humor on humans. Here’s what they are discovering.

1. Laughter decrease stress hormones

2. Laughter increases the activity of natural killer cells that go after tumor cells

3. It’s been shown to also boost the immune system

4. Laughing increases your heart rate, blood flow to brain, respiratory rate, and your lungs expand – almost like jogging only you don’t have to leave the house!

5. Laughter increases your alertness, memory, and your ability to learn and create by increasing the production of catecholmanines.

6. Deep down belly Laughter releases anti-depressant mood chemicals.

So with all their prods and wires and gizmos and gauges, professionals are telling us what we knew all along: when we laugh we feel better.

And there are other benefits as well. Laughter is good social glue. It connects us to others and counteracts feelings of alienation and helps us feel more connected.

Want to be more creative? Try laughing more. Humor loosens up the mental gears and encourages looking at things from a different, out-of-the-ordinary perspective.

Besides spackling together our conversations and relieving tension, humor and laughter are coping mechanisms. They provide distance and perspective when situation are otherwise horrible. Laughter is one way to dissipate hurt and pain.

So how do we inoculate ourselves with laughter?

Humor guru William Fry, M.D. professor emeritus of psychiatry at Stanford University recommends this two-step process.

1. Figure out what makes you laugh – your humor profile by listening to yourself for a few days to see what makes you laugh out loud. Do your heartiest guffaws come from watching Moe, Larry and Curly? Or to you respond to more sophisticated French farces?

 2. Then start building your own humor library: books, videos, movies etc. If possible, have a special corner to house your collection. Then, when life gets you down, don’t hesitate to visit. “Even a few minutes of Laughter will provide some value.

So what makes you laugh? For me, I like to watch America’s Funniest Home Videos. As silly as some of them can be, I find myself laughing out loud - - and it feels good.

The Good News about Grief

Are you experiencing the pain of loss? Are you trying to move forward regardless of how you are feeling? Are you holding back your tears for fear if you cry you will never stop?

I have some good news for you. Grieving is the body’s healthy response to loss. By letting yourself experience your pain you are actually doing the best thing you can for yourself. You are allowing the body to begin the natural process of healing. By grieving you actually lessen your time of sadness.

"Amidst the worldly comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings." - Tao Te Ching

Right after a significant loss you may feel numb. During this early period there are often many things to attend to and decisions to make that keep your mind occupied and away from feeling the pain of your loss.  Although it may be possible to postpone your grieving, it is not possible to postpone it altogether. If your life was too busy for you to stop and feel the grief of your loss, you can expect it to eventually erupt sometime in the future.

It is important to know you are okay even when you feel so bad. It is common to want to resist feelings that make us feel bad. It may even seem counter-intuitive to let these emotions flow. But that is exactly the best thing to do. The common saying that "time heals" is a little misleading. It is what you do with the time that really counts. "When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process.” Colgrove

Our emotions of grief are the body’s way of healing. Learning how to be with your memories and taking the time to grieve your loss will bring you the peace and healing for which you yearn.

Recommended reading for those you have suffered a personal loss.

1)    Colgrove’s little book is easy to read. A phrase, a paragraph or a page seems to have just the right words of encouragement.

How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Colgrove, Ph.D., M., Bloomfield, M.D. H., & McWilliams, P

2)    Coming in June three guidebooks for those rebuilding their lives after loss

In these guidebooks you will find supportive information, success stories, humor and actions you can take to support your healing and to create the life you desire.

1)    Taming the Memory; 2) If You Can See It You Can Do it; 3) Living Your Life Design
 
As a coach, I work with women rebuilding their lives after personal loss. I will help you understand your feelings and navigate your way through the pain of loss. I will support you in making peace with the past and in realizing a new, abundant way of living. You will find new energy, courage and hope. I am dedicated to working with you to discover the new gifts life is waiting to offer you. 

You can connect with me by email at coach@marlenelockwood.com. Please visit my website www.marlenelockwood.com to read more about the services I offer.

Change and Transition: The Powerful Work of Grieving

Grieving your loss is the most powerful work you can do, supporting the physical, mental and spiritual healing necessary after losing someone you love. And it’s tough work, tougher still because there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person moves through the process   differently, and at their own speed.  

Our losses and how we go through them are all unique. You may have lost a mate, child or friend. You may be experiencing the loss of a divorce or perhaps you have had a sequence of losses. Or, it could be a past lost that you never grieved that is troubling you now. Each journey of grief is unique.

Whatever and however you are grieving, doing this work will lead you to a place where you can embrace your life once again and be open to the gifts yet to come your way.

 Here are four key areas of work that will support you on this journey of grieving.

1.   Reach out

Reach out to a family member, a friend, a counselor or a grieving group. This is not the time for you to be stoic. You were not meant to be alone during such times. Connecting with others brings gifts of healing that are hard to find in any other way.

2.   Take care of yourself

This is the best gift you can give to yourself, and no one can do it for you. Get adequate rest, eat healthy food, enjoy short walks, meditate in the sunlight or just sit and bask in the glow. It gives you strength and will help you be healthier when the grieving process is over. Be gentle with yourself and support your body’s natural healing processes. You are programmed to self-repair and self-improve. Support your body in doing the work it was meant to do.

3.   Tame the memory

Don’t resist the memories; rather be with them and honor them. You might find it helpful to share your memories with someone. You can write some of your best memories down and store them in a special box with some of your favorite photos. You will find as time goes by, your memories are less painful. Eventually you will look back with gratitude for the time and experiences you had with your dear one.

4.   Do the work

Grieving work comes in many forms. Some find that journaling is helpful; others find that expressing their feelings through painting or other creative work is helpful in processing their grief. Having a safe place to feel the sadness and letting yourself cry helps heal the pain of losing someone dear to you. Walking and just being in nature is healing for many.

Life is moving forward even if you don’t want it to. Doing the work of grieving helps you deal with the pain of loss and the many feelings you experience during such a time, and restores your energy for the next phase of your life.

If you are open and willing to grieve your loss, eventually you will feel more like your old self again. Completely the same? No, loss does change us. As we move through the experience of loss and transition we find amazing gifts like new wisdom, increased compassion and gratitude. These gifts expand us and we move forward in life with more grace and understanding. 

How to Deal with Life, Loss and Transition at the Big High School Reunion

I think someone has made a drastic mistake. It just can’t be ++ that many years since I graduated from high school. It's got to be impossible. However, since someone has planned a big shindig (they must have lost their cookies), I think I will go. It would be great to see some of those “old” friends. J 

For some, high school reunions can be particularly unnerving. Why is that? It goes beyond the fact that we have put on a little weight, that the sun has had too much fun on our face, or wondering what there will be to talk about?

Our lives have been full since those many years ago. We are really no longer that person who graduated at seventeen or eighteen. Life has happened – the good and the bad. There have been jobs, lost jobs, crazy jobs. There have been marriage, divorce and new marriages. We’ve had children. Perhaps changed churches or quit going – you name it. Some have lost their mates or even children in death. How do you even begin to tell, or even want to tell, people what’s been happening in your life?

When you haven't seen someone for 25 years (or more), they're bound to want to catch up. There will be questions about the turns your life has taken. We don’t want to be braggers – or worse – whiners. How do you really show up at a reunion and in a few hours communicate any of this? Many of us don’t even want to. As a result the event often feels superficial and full of small talk. Or we feel like we are front and center, under a microscope.

What I’ve experienced is that we all have similar feelings in these kinds of situations. Your painful transitions – even if you don't delve into details – can actually be inspiring and feel supportive to others. We often feel like we are the only ones with such stories, but we’re not. Life has happened to us all. When we come to these occasions with a soft and open heart, sharing only what we feel comfortable to share, and with a strong and accepting listening ear for the stories of others, we come away feeling like it has been a wonderful time.

You know, in many ways I loved my high school years. Yes, there was all the pain of being a teenager, and I wouldn’t want to do it again for love or money. But when you consider that I graduated from the eighth grade with the same fella I started the first grade with – and, there was only two of us in the class, well, things had to go up from there! Going to a high school with many students and with boys taller than me was new and exciting – I do have good memories of my high school years.

But I still have some angst about the reunion, and I do want to look my best. So here’s my plan. I’m going to lose 10 lbs. by the end of April. (I know, not very original.) So, why am I sharing this? Because I need someone to hold me accountable, and writing in my blog does just that for me. I’ll keep you posted along the way . . . no gruesome details, I promise – just the fun progress!

Anyone want to join me? (. . . on the diet, that is.)

Here are a few good high school quotes from the movies. If you have others please share. Or write and tell me your experience at your last high school reunion.

 

“It's not the years honey, it's the mileage.”
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

“High school, those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.”
Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – Uncle Frank (Steve Carell)

“The old dreams were good dreams. They didn't work out, but I’m glad I had them.”
The Bridges of Madison County (1995) – Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood

Six Ways to Handle the Stress of Job Uncertainty

There is a lot of talk about the job market in the news these days, from general woes about the broken economy, to state-wide crises involving job cuts, furloughs, pay cuts, etc.

If we put them side by side, our lists of top news items would probably differ some, but chances are we all are feeling the uncertainty of the time we live in.

When people are let go at work, others must pick up the work. Work once done at home but now sent out of the country leaves people in the lurch. Furloughs, reduced work hours, reorganization downsizing, it's a tough time in the work market!  

A lower paycheck is where we feel it the most. That reduced income can leave you feeling anxious, stress rises; temper flares and all of a sudden your job just may not feel as great as it once did. In fact, at time you may wish you could just quit!   Have you had those feelings?

What’s the best way to cope? How can we take care of ourselves in times of uncertainty?

Let me assure you, there is action you can take. Basic self-care is crucial now – you may need to take a break, time off, a sick day or just that vacation that you have been putting off. However, besides the importance of self-care there are other ways to lessen your stress, ease the panic and prepare yourself for the future.

It’s easy to feel worn out and stress can slow us down and we want to do nothing. But it’s better to be proactive instead of just reactive. Instead of giving up, it’s the time to get busy. Getting busy will re-energize your mind, spirit and body.

Here are six ways to handle the stress of job uncertainty.

1.   Observe. Begin to observe the opportunities around you. Be aware of what is happening in your organization as well as in other organizations. Pay less attention to gossip and inform yourself of the facts.

2.   Network. Connect with other people. Let others know what you are up to.

3.     Prepare. Get your resume updated. Be sure it looks professional, crisp and succinct.

It’s better to be prepared than to wait for the worse to happen.

4.   Explore. Sit down and write out a list of all the jobs you might be interested in. Explore what is happening in your field by going on the Internet. Branch out into related fields. What jobs really interest you?

5.   Ignite. Get back in touch with that earlier passion you had. What was it that once excited you, intrigued you, fascinated you? It’s not too late to find that job you always wanted.

6.   Wait. If you've taken the other five steps, you are prepared to advantage of opportunities that may come your way. The energy is working in your favor. Things will begin to happen. Be patient.

 

Remember – you are at choice. And that’s a great place to be. It’s up to you to help yourself, by not giving up hope, being good to yourself and being practical about the future. Trust your instincts.

 

My story of job loss

 

I remember going through a period of high stress after losing a job as a result of reorganization. It was my first job after my divorce, I had moved to a new city to take it and then, all too soon it was over. It felt like a personal disaster. I was scared and feeling pretty low. I had no idea what I would do next. But I started networking, took an inventory of my education and skills, and made a decision to look openly at any job offer that came my way, even if I had to move again to take it.

 

After about nine months I received a job offer from a company I knew very little about at the time - Habitat for Humanity International.  The offer was a direct result of the networking I had done, a referral from someone I had spoken to. It was over 2,500 miles away, connected with my passion and I took it. I traveled worldwide working with great leaders and teams in the process of collabortively building and implementing a 5 year strategic plan. I contributed a lot and I gained a lot. It was exactly the job I needed at that time. The job loss opened up possibilities that I otherwise would not have even considered. And that can happen for you as well.

 

Whatever you do, the goal is to re-empower your mind, to feel better and to get energized. Give yourself time and patience. A better day will come, and taking the steps above will help you be prepared. You’re strong and you will get through this.

The Power of the Inspiring Redwoods

Over the weekend my friend Russ and I visited my daughter, Holly Lockwood, who lives in McKinleyville, CA.  We took a day traveling through the majestic, incomprehensible CA north coast Redwoods. I am always powerfully reminded of a larger Power in charge, and filled with a heighten sense of awe when I visit the land of the redwood forest. Peace seems to fill me up.

I was honored with a wonderful salmon dinner prepared by my wonderful daughter Holly, and a great bottle of champagne and flowers presented by Russ. A walk on th pristine Trinidad beach with the sun setting in the west ended our day.  I felt blessed and full of gratitude for family, friends and nature. 

As a mother or daughter, perhaps a mother or not, I hope the Mother’s day holiday also put you in touch with gratitude. “Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” Albert Schweitzer

I returned home feeling refreshed and ready to meet the deadlines that awaited me.

Upcoming Events that you won’t want to miss!

• Springboard Conversations on May 26, 20009 at 4pm DST.  I am very excited with my upcoming interview with Rebecca McLean. We will have a very interactive conversation regarding the power of the Circle. The Circle of life is A comprehensive, nationally prominent, and holistic, Mind/Body Wellness and Health coaching. The Only Wellness Coaching with a 20-year Success Track Record.     
• Upcoming Springboard Conversation guests include: doctor of Oriental  medicine, Native American International Speaker, health intuitive, professional hypnotherapist. And amazing guest who use humor and storytelling as medicine, and examples of courage and beginning again.  And more. Stay tuned!  The fourth Tuesday of the month, 4 DST, 8 EST etc.
• Springboard Bootcamp launches on Tuesday, July 21^st 4pm DST, 8 EST etc. This 6 month bootcamp is designed specifically for folk who have been widowed, divorced and ended a significant relationship and who are ready to kick start a new life. Join the community of like-minded individuals, experience the power, synchronicity, wisdom and magic of the Circle. You marvelous new life awaits you.
• And more are in progress and several ready to be revealed soon. All designed to connect you to a healthy and abundant life.

If you're on Facebook and Twitter, you know how active and visible I am there. However, I know the vast majority of my subscribers aren't there -- yet. Hoping to shift this trend with my eZine AND more fabulous people on Twitter and Facebook, so we can stay connected. To see what else I and others are up to follow me on Twitter and “friend me” on Facebook. Enjoy the rest of Spring. 

Springboard Conversations

FLASH: SPRINGBOARD CONVERSATIONS debuts on April 14^th at 4pm PST, 7pm EST

I am a lover of great books – novels, history, bio’s and autobiographies.  I even purchased Amazon’s Kindle last August and have already broken even on the cost. As I was considering topics for my blog and how I could connect with you in a way that would add value, I though how informing and interesting it would be to talk with and interview the authors of some of the great books I have read.  And guess what?  I have scheduled two great women authors already!

Beginning on Tuesday, April 14^th at 4 pm I will host my first Springboard Conversations with Life Coach Mary MCC, author of The Power of Inner Choice and considered America’s premier Inner Peace Coach. She is an authority of empowering the “conscious achiever” to realize their goals, while deepening their sense of inner well-being and emotional fulfillment. Holding the Master Certified Coach, the highest credential offered through the International Coach Federation, she is among the top 1% of coaches worldwide.  "In her book, The Power of Inner Choice, Mary Allen has compiled a wealth of tools and resources – both inner and outer – to support you in consciously directing your untapped potential and creating a life that you love.” - Debbie Ford, #1 New York Times best-selling author of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, The Right Questions and The Best Year of Your Life

Then on Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 at 4pm I will be interviewing Rebecca McLean. 

Rebecca McLean has worked in the health care industry since 1974, originally in occupational therapy. She then branched out to develop and implement wellness programming for schools and corporations as wellas multidisciplinary medical programming for hospitals and medical practices. Rebecca co-founded Health Action Clinic in 1983, with a team of health care practitioners, consultants and trainers in integrative and complementary medicine.

Rebecca is the developer of the Circle of Life Health and Wellness Coaching Process™ and the author of the Coach Training Manual and Participant Guide Book with Dr. Roger Jahnke.  She has been a contributing author to many health and lifestyle books, and has supported hundreds of individuals in gaining better health, personal transformation, fulfillment and joy. This, along with her personal experience of physical healing, will make our conversation rich and rewarding. 

And, I am fast at work to get other key leaders in the field of health and wellness, peace and joy, as wellas people who, regardless of the challenges and changes of life, have transformed their lives and are living abundantly while richly contributing to the world around them.  I would love to hear back from you.  What do you think of my idea?  Who would you like me to interview? What subjects are of interest to you?  I am so excited. This will be great.

Register for Springboard Conversations here.